For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
