You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
they're like a gay fantastic four
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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