i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
