I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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