mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
