im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
