that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize