I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize