There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I want a musical about memes.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
