Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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