Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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