Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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