Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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