Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
