You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize