as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
