did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
