p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
