haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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