haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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