she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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