It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize