I am puke
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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