the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
as a side note pls kill me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
