I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
