haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
ok first of all what the fuck
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
