He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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