He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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