On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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