omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
