the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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