I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
