using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize