My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
