and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
