gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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