Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
and you fell through a lawn chair
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
