i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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