he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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