you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
