i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
