I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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