drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
