i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
