worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
