Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
