Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
accomplished twins. life is a go
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
