dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
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