She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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