I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
