someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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