after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
FUCK WHALES
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
