There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
