I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
