she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
