dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
