Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
