UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
