There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
