Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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