Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize