We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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