I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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