Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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