saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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