You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
