i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
