Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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